The Healing Power of Self-Love: 3 Ways to Thrive After a Breakup
Updated: Jun 19, 2024
We can all agree that breakups are painful no matter how amicable they are. We spend years creating a life with someone and when the relationship ends, we have to rebuild our life on our own.
It's so easy to lose ourselves when we are in a relationship. We may become codependent, change our preferences to align with our partner or disregard parts of ourselves to fit that relationship. And when it's all over, we may find ourselves wondering who are we?
But painful times can lead to the greatest transformations. And that is exactly what happened to my guest and dear friend Louise after separating from her longtime boyfriend and best friend. She had moved into a share house in London with her beloved dog Chewie to start afresh. One evening at the height of her sadness, Louise decided it was time to rediscover who she was!
In Louise's words "That Was The Moment... I decided to get me back!"
Three ways Louise increased her self-love and rediscovered herself:
Talking to her friends (including a life coach and a therapist)
Louise has an incredible supportive network of friends who listened to her including a therapist and a life coach (me!). Soon after Louise's breakup I was looking for some practice coaching clients as I completed my Holistic Life Coach and Mind-Body Practitioner course. Louise jumped at the chance, and we had regular coaching calls.
Louise found that having conversations with me and her therapist friend gave her a different perspective and introduced her to new concepts which allowed her to expand her knowledge and self-awareness. She learnt about self-limiting beliefs and was able to identify the beliefs that were holding her back then worked to remove them. Talking was healing for Louise.
Prioritized her happiness, health and wellbeing
Louise found her rhythm on her healing journey through meditation, yoga and running. Running exercised her body while clearing her mind and allowed Louise to be present in the moment and enjoy the beauty of the natural world and her surroundings. Running became her meditation.
By prioritizing her happiness, probably for the first time in her life, Louise's self-love grew with each day. Louise spent time nurturing herself and showed herself extra love and kindness on the tough days. Louise allowed herself to feel all the feelings she was experiencing and acknowledged them rather than pushing them away.
Protecting your time, space and energy
A side effect of increasing your self-love is becoming more protective of your time, space and your energy. Louise found a new confidence within herself to be able to set boundaries with friends and family. She no longer tolerated behavior that didn't align with her values. She was able to stand up for herself; something that she had struggled with in the past. She is finding that her relationships with friends are now thriving.
When Louise decided she was ready to start dating again she found that she was no longer attracting the same type of man. Her self-confidence increased so much that she didn't indulge dates that didn't light her up. If a man was unable to bring enough to the table, Louise had the confidence to say goodbye and walk away; breaking free from the codependency patterns that ruled her intimate relationships in the past.
From the outside looking in, it would appear that not much has changed in Louise world. All the work has happened on the inside. Ditching limiting beliefs and breaking her old patterns has given Louise a new lease of life. She has never been happier and now lives her life unapologetically!
Louise shares her story on the first episode of That Was The Moment...
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